i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize