He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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