Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
