ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
