I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
