I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
These tits shall not be calmed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
