I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
