NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
