the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
