Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
