You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
