It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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