Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize