I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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