i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
