My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
