Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize