Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
