Soap is not a condiment
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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