just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
