Im at strip club and am horny
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
