boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A+ Viking dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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