Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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