Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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