Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize