Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
