i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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