I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
