Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
