You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
