I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to have your abortion
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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