theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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