I can text with my tongue
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
