somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
