I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
