____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so explain again why im purple
no
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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