its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
