Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
