so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
