you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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