I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize