I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
