we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
