There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
