just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
