I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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