he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think your dad took our porno
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
