She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
