I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
