how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
