i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
