those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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