Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
