I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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