It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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