I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i will never coherently bang her
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
