I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pants are for mortals
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
