Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
