this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
