Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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