Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
