Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
