Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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