you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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