Kiss
Puke
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
