Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
