She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
