What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
