community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
