All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
from now on my penis is your penis
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
